Life is Good Today

So it is now past thanksgiving. Boy, it was good to see my family again! And playing in the snow wasn't so bad either... ;) We Californians are so deprived... As for being stressed, I am definitely not as stressed out as I was. College stuff is a little tough still, but God has really given me peace about it. Thank God for His never ending mercies and love! Now onto the new stuff.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good morning! (I really want to open my stocking, but not everyone is up yet... :( sadness!)

Wow. I cannot believe how blessed I have been this past year! Going through the year, it pretty much stunk. But as I look back on it, I see how much God has strengthened me and helped me to grow as a person... I have a family that is all together, a roof over our heads, plenty of food to eat, and even gifts under the tree! I may not understand why God puts us through trials that seem to never have an end, but I am determined to trust in Him and know that He knows what He is doing and that it is for the best for my family.

So, I got that job that I talked about in my last post. I am now officially an In-N-Out associate! I've been working there for about three weeks now and I love it. Though my perfectionist side does come out more often than not. But I have learned to put that aside and trust in myself. I can do a lot more than I think I am capable of! And having this job just proves my success. I am certainly far from perfect and still make mistakes, (like forgetting to clock in yesterday) but with the help of God and my other associates, I make it out okay. I am loving how much I am learning and it is such an encouragement seeing the improvement each time as I get more comfortable with myself and my surroundings.

Yesterday was Christmas Eve. (Obviously if today is Christmas) It was a great day! I went to work, got sent home 30 minutes later, watched movies with my family, and then ate a great dinner made by the lovely Stephanie! I then proceeded to be very hyper with Jo, text my very very good friend until around 2:30 in the morning while nodding off every once in a while (but always with the biggest smile on my face), and then finally falling asleep. In my opinion, it was the best Christmas eve ever. I was compared to a Saint Bernard, talked in rhymes, and was thoroughly happy.

Today we are going to open our stockings, eat a breakfast feast as a family, go to church, come home and open our gifts, watch It's A Wonderful Life, and then have another feast! But this time its dinner, not breakfast. What is on the menu you ask? Well I shall tell you... For breakfast we will be dining on chocolate chip muffin tops, cinnamon rolls, egg casserole, and other goodies which I can not remember. For dinner we shall be consuming ham, sausage, sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, rolls, and green beans. (Are you drooling yet?) I haven't even gotten to dessert. Boy. Today is going to be a great day. :) So, that was a pretty lame post, but it is all I have for now. So now I will go take advantage of this day I have to spend with my family. Merry Christmas!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...

In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Why oh why can I never remember to do this?

I am stressed. So much is going on and I can't figure out how to do it all without just falling over. On the outside, it really doesn't seem like I have much to do and it may seem like I'm just cruisin through life with no problems. But my head is usually about ready to explode with the pressure.

Applying to college is not as easy as it sounds. There are essays to write, application fees to turn in, scholarships to look at, SAT scores to improve, and lots more decisions to make. Writing essays is not my forte... Especially when I can't figure out what I need to write them on because the websites are retarded and not easy to figure out! Gah.

Not to mention the job factor. I had 2 interviews for a job today and I really hope I get it! But I also feel kind of panicked about it because I don't have enough faith in myself to do well, so I automatically think I will fail. I also don't like the fact that I would have to give up certain things I like doing to have this job. I wouldn't be able to go as many places or see the people I want to see because the job would restrict that. Why does growing up have to be so dumb?

On a brighter note, I get to go to Idaho for Thanksgiving! I am so excited to get to see all of my family again. I miss them all so much! And who knows, there may even be snow! That would make me very happy. I want to make a snowman and a snow angel. And have a snowball fight. And get all cold and wet and have a red nose and rosy cheeks and then come in and warm up with a cup of tea and some dry clothes! Boy that sounds fantastic...

I love those moments when you are ranting about something and God just hits you in the face with the answer. See the title of this post? I wrote it not moments ago. I started off with no title, hoping that in the process of writing something would click. Well, it did. I need to be more in tune with God. He has not been my focus in life and I am ashamed of that. Trusting Him is one of the hardest things for me. I have seen Him meet the needs of those around me so many times and yet I still haven't been able to really trust Him with every aspect of my life. There is so much that I just want to do myself so I can see immediate results. Boy what a mess that makes... Why is it so hard to just let Him do His work in me and my life without me messing it up all the time? Why do I feel the need to control so much and make things happen when I don't know what the best thing for me is? It's so frustrating knowing that so much is going to be happening in the next couple months but not knowing if it will turn out how I want it to or not. The future can be such a scary thing...

My goal: Make God my biggest priority.

Self Centered Much?

It's 10:42pm. I'm currently sitting on my couch watching Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, wasting a little time on facebook, and about to go get my cup of tea. Sounds like a good night, yes? I guess so... For some reason I'm not entirely happy. This is almost theraputic. Why am I not happy? I'm not entirely sure. Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. I think I want one thing, and then all of a sudden I want something entirely different. Some things that I really want are just out of reach, soon to be gone entirely. Why does that happen? I don't get it... Maybe I'm not supposed to get it, or maybe I'll get it later! Who knows...

So here I am complaining about my life and how annoying it is and all that, and then God says, "Um, hello Gwen! Have you seen My world and the hardships going on in it? Look around you." I see third world countries with children starving. I see people living under freeway overpasses with shopping carts full of trash and dirty blankets. I have a roof over my head, a family who loves me, plenty of food to eat, and yet I am complaining? Today at church we sang happy birthday to this lady. What does she get for a birthday present? The deaths of two of her children... And I think my life is hard? Honestly, I don't think I know the meaning of a hard life. Yes, I have my drama and other stuff, but really. I haven't lost a family member, I'm not living on the streets barely surviving, and I'm not living on a small portion of beans and rice. What can I do for the people whose lives are so much harder than mine?

It's the little things in life...

Today was a very good day. You may ask, 'Why was today so good, Snickerface? What made it so special?' I would reply, 'Let me tell you! Last night I spent the night with my best friend, so when I woke up this morning, the day automatically started out well because I was with her. Then I went home around 3pm and I got ready and went to volleyball practice where I got to see my other bestest friend and coach! It was really a lot of fun. I enjoyed myself. Then my team had a pizza party and guess what happened? My bestest friend crashed the party. It made my night. Now I am at home blogging about it! That is why my day was so good.' Then I would offer you a big grin, showing just how happy I was. The End.

Freedom!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast-bound in sin and natures night
Thine eye diffused a quickning ray
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light
My chains fell off, my heart was free
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

Ain't that the truth...

"The better part of one's life consists of his friendships." ~Abraham Lincoln

Moonlight Serenade

She stands in the window of an abandoned room. The only light is that of the moon as it pours through the windows and glances off the crystal chandeliers, sending sparkles around the dim room. Soft music from the party below drifts into the room and she sways to its sound. The breeze catches her cascading blonde curls and tosses them gently around her face, giving this painting life. She slips off her shoes and starts to slowly dance around the room with her phantom partner, the light from the room accenting the curves of her face. She waltzes and twirls, left to right. Soon she tires and she returns to the window, watching the moon as it sits over the ocean. She feels its spray and hears its roar mingled with the tinkling of glasses and the quiet murmer of the people downstairs. Oh how shall she ever leave this wonderful sight? Does the night have to end? And yet she knows it must.

Do The Creep

I remember watching this movie when I was younger called Vertigo. It was one of those old suspense movies that you think is really intense and crazy and then when you watch it when you are older, its still great, but you understand so much more! I still greatly enjoy the movie, but man... The main character sure turns into a creeper...

Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.

If I could do anything I wanted, today I would go on an adventure with my gnome. We would climb high mountains, save damsels in distress, find knights in shining armour, and wield swords as we vanquished the foe. We would feast in large castles as we are entertained by the jesters and Baird's. We would ride on dragons that breathed blue flames, and sleep under the stars in a meadow surrounded by the woods. The sound of the nearby creek and the crickets singing merrily to one another would lull us to sleep. He would meet a lady gnome who would simply steal his heart away with her shy and gentle ways and I would meet a knight. He would be full of valor, yet humble and gentle in his manner. I may dislike him immensely at first and dismiss every attention he paid me, or I may simply fall head over heels for him though maybe he doesn't notice me at first. I would have him tall, of a solid stature, with hair of either raven black or amber gold. Either would suite my fancy. His eyes would be gentle but yet piercing to the soul. We would meet in a castle where I am healing from a near fatal wound given to me by a gryphon, one of the many I was battling at the moment. When I am well enough to leave my chambers, I walk in the gardens and hedge mazes, longing to be out of the castle walls where I feel as free as my spirit is. One day I notice a man looking down on me from one of the many windows. I do not recognize him since the only people I have seen since my awakening are the maid servants that tended my wounds and brought me food. But he is handsome and the twinkling in his eyes makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter. Each day I am allowed in the garden for a mere hour so that I do not tire myself out, and each day I see him at the window. His eyes meet mine and there is a flicker of a smile about his lips. Oh how I wish to see him smile... One day as I walk my same path, he is not at the window. I am disappointed, but I know he must have been sent out on an errand or on an important journey, therefore I know it is selfish of me to want him there. I make my way towards the bench I have now claimed as my own, for I have never seen anyone sit there. I turn the corner, past the pale pink roses, and lo! There he sits, on my bench! His posture is so full of self assurance and yet so humble at the same time. Drat! He noticed me. Now I can do nothing but continue towards him. His voice, as soft as velvet, reaches my ear in a soft, "Hello." I shyly drop my eyes but manage a small curtsy without falling as I return his greeting. He beckons me to sit with him and I oblige. My heart pounds in my ears and I know he must be able to hear it for an amused grin steals across his features. What shall I say? I do not know, lest I say something completely absured and make a fool of myself... And yet in his presence I feel so comfortable. It is such a strange sensation, to be all nerves and yet completely relaxed at the same time.

My Inspiration

I have a sister whose name is Abby. She's a really great person, she isn't shabby. Enough with the rhyming. Let us move on! Abby is my inspiration. No, we don't always get along; yes, we are very different in look and personality. But she is strong and so very wise. She's beautiful, extremely intelligent, witty, and a hit with just about everyone she meets. I know her and I have our rough times, but the good times we have together makes them obsolete. I wish I had her wisdom, her free spirit, and her wit. She contributes so much and has such a heart for the people and situations around her. She thinks the best of people, always wanting to help them meet their potential. I could go on and on about how amazing she is. She inspires me to be the woman I am made to be. She inspires me to look at the struggles in the world and to want to help make a change. She inspires me in so many ways...

Procrastinators Unite! ...Tomorrow...

For days I have been saying that I am going to clean my room. For weeks I have been saying that I am going to start taking better care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. For months I have been saying that I am going to start loving people better than I do now, and for years I have been saying that I am going to let go of my wants and let God be everything I need. Talk about the most epic case of procrastination. No matter how much I say, 'today I am going to clean my room,' I end up finding something I would rather do. No matter how many times I start taking better care of myself, Satan always manages to bring me down by telling me I'm not worth it. No matter how much I try to love people, something always happens to make me not like someone. No matter how much I try to let God be my everything, I take it all back into my own hands and try to fix it myself. Let me tell you, it doesn't work. I usually end up making a much bigger mess of things. In a world of instant gratification, it is so difficult to be content waiting for something. I want this or that to be fixed now not later. I want to know what's going to happen and how its going to end now! I forget that everything takes time and will take its course when God wants it to. He will show me someday and I need to exercise patience, which is definitely not my strong point. Sigh... I need to go clean my room...

Dictionary definition: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. God's definition:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

Oh to love truly! This is my desire. How can I say I love someone when my love is not even close to what God says love truly is? Yes, I may care for them very deeply, but do I sincerely love them? If I really loved them, then these characteristics would show. Is that not so? And yet I am envious. I am not always patient or kind. I am sometimes rude, though I try very hard not to be. I do not always rejoice in the truth because sometimes the truth is painful. I do not always love for anothers sake, but sometimes only to make myself feel loved. Because if I can say I love them, then it is easy for me to pretend they love me in return. I cannot bear all things for I am human and therefore imperfect. But I know I can bear a lot more than I do now. Hope is difficult when the situation looks so bleak. How can I have hope when all I see is hurt and dreariness? My love fails... But through all this failure and despair, I do have hope and I do have a chance. With God, all things are possible. I may not ever love as well as I would like to, but with God, I shall suceed to love better than I am able to now. He gives me hope, He gives me strength, He gives me a future. On Him will I lean, and to Him will I run.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walk out

This is my best friend. She is the very best a person could ask for! Yes we have our hard times and our fights, but our good times and laughter very much outweigh them. I honestly do not know what I would do without her. She is so very sarcastic, but so very amazing with a great sense of humor, a beautiful personality, and a gorgeous face! I don't think I could love her any more than I do already.

Hmm..

I do have to admit, I often wonder if anyone ever reads this. My life isn't exactly full of exciting adventures. Although I'm sure I could use my imagination to make it so. Hmmm.. Maybe I shall do just that. Tell a story over a span of time; or just talk nonsense. I don't know! Should I, or should I not? That is the real question. I shall sleep on it and decide tomorrow.

Love/Hate Relationships

Yesterday I was at Knott's Berry Farm for my sister's birthday. I shall refer to her as The Little One. I love Knott's. It may be small, and the rides may not be as exciting as 6 flags or as numerous as Disneyland, but it has such a homey feel to it. Plus there are usually some pretty good looking cowboys walking around. (Always a plus) I absolutely love most of the rides there, but there are some that I love and hate at the same time. How that's even possible, I have no idea. Anyway! Yesterday I got a little adventurous. They have a new ride! It's called Windseeker. (I DEFINITELY have a love/hate relationship with this ride) It's like the swings on major steroids... So you sit in these very stable swings, (No chain supports. This time they are super thick steel bars. They remind me of newborn babies carseats.) and then they lift you away into the air taking you 3oo feet above the ground. Oh yes, 3oo feet. Now, if you have any fear of heights, I probably wouldn't go on. Unless you are like me, who is very uneasy around great heights, but who still thought, "Oh I can totally handle this..." Pah... Though my stomach was my own personal circus, I did enjoy the view! I definitely recommend going on that ride. Then the next ride I went on was Supreme Scream. I have a love/hate relationship with the feeling of dropping. Boy was it fun! But terrifying at the same time. I went on twice. *Big grin* Hey, don't judge! I was very proud of myself. Heehee! Then the little one and her friend Jazilicous made me go on Xcelerator. (I definitely do NOT have a love/hate relationship with this ride. It is simply pure loathing.) I had a headache for the rest of the day. And then, being the silly people we are, we decided to go on Ghost Rider. Let me give you a tip. If you ever have a headache at KBF, do not go on that ride! It will feel like your brain is going to explode and fall out your ears! *Sigh* That was very painful. But all in all, it was a very fun day. I can't believe my little sister is 15 years old! She is growing into such an amazing young lady. I couldn't have asked for a better sister or best friend.

Distance

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To save what we have

So I make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?

I finally understand this song... :/

The Joys of Motherhood

First off, no, I am not pregnant. Nor do I have a child. Though when your current job is babysitting, sometimes it feels like you do. Tonight was a first. It was the first time I have ever been thrown up on by a child. And let me tell you, when they say baby shower, they are really talking about the first experience of being showered upon by your child with gifts of that afternoons lunch. So now I can never say that I have not been thrown up on. The End.

It's a Wonderful Life!

I'm having one of those, 'It's a Wonderful Life' moments. You know, the ones where you think, 'Have I really done anything so great that it has changed someones life? I am anything special and are people different because I'm around?' Yeah, one of those. It's such a strange thought, very captivating... Sometimes I wish I could have a moment such as that in said movie. But oh well. :) I shall just try to live as to make such an impact on someone!

Do I know You at all?

'I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared you at all, no
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?'

This is such a powerful song! It really hit me hard this morning when I heard it on the radio. Just something to think about today.

Hello, my name is Gwen and I am addicted to Freecell.

Beauty

Psalms 89:9
"You rule the oceans. You subdue their storm-tossed waves."

Off to the beach I go! :) God's creation is so beautiful and even with all its dangers, He is in total control over it. He controls the winds that create the waves and He could crush them with a single word. Oh how mighty is our faithful and loving Saviour!

Confessions

Confession #1: I want a unicorn pillow pet, a bumblebee transformer, and batman bandaids for christmas this year. Why yes, I am over the age of 12. Got a problem with that? :) I wish I could return to my childhood when it didn't matter if you were cool or not. Everyone played together and had fun. Now it's all about wearing the right clothes, acting the right way, and owning the coolest stuff. I say forget it. I could have it all and be the biggest jerk in the world. I would rather not wear the latest fashions, act like myself, or own the newest, coolest things, and be sincerely nice to people. To love them despite their faults, be their friend whether they have the coolest stuff, and just be there for them. I know so many amazing people who are not defined by their status in life. They simply are themselves and loved for just that. Oh how I wish to be like them. I am always so concerned with if I look okay, if I'm saying the right things... I'm done with trying to fit in to something that changes you. I'm ready to step out and be myself and be okay with it.

Be The Light

I picked up my bible today to read whatever God wanted me to. He lead me straight to Matthew 6:22-24.
"Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."
It really hit me. What we see and how we perceive it makes a very big difference in our lives. If we see things with a pure heart and with an optimistic attitude, it can make all the difference. We have to see things through God's eyes and things will look so much brighter! And at the same time, things can look so much dimmer. We could see so much more good in things and we could be so aware to the needs around us... I want to see with God's eyes and be used for His purpose. I want whats inside of me to be pure and full of light. But I can only do so with God's help.

A New Leaf

Today I deleted my facebook. I haven't felt this carefree in a very long time. Today is also the start of a very long blogging process. (Lets hope I can be dedicated and remember to update every day.) Since it is very late and I really should be sleeping, I shall leave you with this. I was talking to God the other day and He reminded me of something. He walks in front of me so that He can guide me, He walks beside me as a companion, and He walks behind me so that He can catch me when I fall. He is omnipresent, always there for us. He feeds and shelters the birds, clothes the flowers, and yet He cares so much more for us. He gives us everything we need. We just need to lean and rely on Him completely.