My Inspiration

I have a sister whose name is Abby. She's a really great person, she isn't shabby. Enough with the rhyming. Let us move on! Abby is my inspiration. No, we don't always get along; yes, we are very different in look and personality. But she is strong and so very wise. She's beautiful, extremely intelligent, witty, and a hit with just about everyone she meets. I know her and I have our rough times, but the good times we have together makes them obsolete. I wish I had her wisdom, her free spirit, and her wit. She contributes so much and has such a heart for the people and situations around her. She thinks the best of people, always wanting to help them meet their potential. I could go on and on about how amazing she is. She inspires me to be the woman I am made to be. She inspires me to look at the struggles in the world and to want to help make a change. She inspires me in so many ways...

Procrastinators Unite! ...Tomorrow...

For days I have been saying that I am going to clean my room. For weeks I have been saying that I am going to start taking better care of myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. For months I have been saying that I am going to start loving people better than I do now, and for years I have been saying that I am going to let go of my wants and let God be everything I need. Talk about the most epic case of procrastination. No matter how much I say, 'today I am going to clean my room,' I end up finding something I would rather do. No matter how many times I start taking better care of myself, Satan always manages to bring me down by telling me I'm not worth it. No matter how much I try to love people, something always happens to make me not like someone. No matter how much I try to let God be my everything, I take it all back into my own hands and try to fix it myself. Let me tell you, it doesn't work. I usually end up making a much bigger mess of things. In a world of instant gratification, it is so difficult to be content waiting for something. I want this or that to be fixed now not later. I want to know what's going to happen and how its going to end now! I forget that everything takes time and will take its course when God wants it to. He will show me someday and I need to exercise patience, which is definitely not my strong point. Sigh... I need to go clean my room...

Dictionary definition: a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. God's definition:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

Oh to love truly! This is my desire. How can I say I love someone when my love is not even close to what God says love truly is? Yes, I may care for them very deeply, but do I sincerely love them? If I really loved them, then these characteristics would show. Is that not so? And yet I am envious. I am not always patient or kind. I am sometimes rude, though I try very hard not to be. I do not always rejoice in the truth because sometimes the truth is painful. I do not always love for anothers sake, but sometimes only to make myself feel loved. Because if I can say I love them, then it is easy for me to pretend they love me in return. I cannot bear all things for I am human and therefore imperfect. But I know I can bear a lot more than I do now. Hope is difficult when the situation looks so bleak. How can I have hope when all I see is hurt and dreariness? My love fails... But through all this failure and despair, I do have hope and I do have a chance. With God, all things are possible. I may not ever love as well as I would like to, but with God, I shall suceed to love better than I am able to now. He gives me hope, He gives me strength, He gives me a future. On Him will I lean, and to Him will I run.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walk out

This is my best friend. She is the very best a person could ask for! Yes we have our hard times and our fights, but our good times and laughter very much outweigh them. I honestly do not know what I would do without her. She is so very sarcastic, but so very amazing with a great sense of humor, a beautiful personality, and a gorgeous face! I don't think I could love her any more than I do already.

Hmm..

I do have to admit, I often wonder if anyone ever reads this. My life isn't exactly full of exciting adventures. Although I'm sure I could use my imagination to make it so. Hmmm.. Maybe I shall do just that. Tell a story over a span of time; or just talk nonsense. I don't know! Should I, or should I not? That is the real question. I shall sleep on it and decide tomorrow.

Love/Hate Relationships

Yesterday I was at Knott's Berry Farm for my sister's birthday. I shall refer to her as The Little One. I love Knott's. It may be small, and the rides may not be as exciting as 6 flags or as numerous as Disneyland, but it has such a homey feel to it. Plus there are usually some pretty good looking cowboys walking around. (Always a plus) I absolutely love most of the rides there, but there are some that I love and hate at the same time. How that's even possible, I have no idea. Anyway! Yesterday I got a little adventurous. They have a new ride! It's called Windseeker. (I DEFINITELY have a love/hate relationship with this ride) It's like the swings on major steroids... So you sit in these very stable swings, (No chain supports. This time they are super thick steel bars. They remind me of newborn babies carseats.) and then they lift you away into the air taking you 3oo feet above the ground. Oh yes, 3oo feet. Now, if you have any fear of heights, I probably wouldn't go on. Unless you are like me, who is very uneasy around great heights, but who still thought, "Oh I can totally handle this..." Pah... Though my stomach was my own personal circus, I did enjoy the view! I definitely recommend going on that ride. Then the next ride I went on was Supreme Scream. I have a love/hate relationship with the feeling of dropping. Boy was it fun! But terrifying at the same time. I went on twice. *Big grin* Hey, don't judge! I was very proud of myself. Heehee! Then the little one and her friend Jazilicous made me go on Xcelerator. (I definitely do NOT have a love/hate relationship with this ride. It is simply pure loathing.) I had a headache for the rest of the day. And then, being the silly people we are, we decided to go on Ghost Rider. Let me give you a tip. If you ever have a headache at KBF, do not go on that ride! It will feel like your brain is going to explode and fall out your ears! *Sigh* That was very painful. But all in all, it was a very fun day. I can't believe my little sister is 15 years old! She is growing into such an amazing young lady. I couldn't have asked for a better sister or best friend.

Distance

The sun is filling up the room
And I can hear you dreaming
Do you feel the way I do right now?
I wish we would just give up
Cause the best part is falling
Call it anything but love

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And please don't stand so close to me
I'm having trouble breathing
I'm afraid of what you'll see right now
I give you everything I am
All my broken heart beats
Until I know you understand

And I will make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

And I keep waiting
For you to take me
You keep waiting
To save what we have

So I make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long can we keep this up, up, up?

Make sure to keep my distance
Say "I love you" when you're not listening
How long til we call this love, love, love?

I finally understand this song... :/

The Joys of Motherhood

First off, no, I am not pregnant. Nor do I have a child. Though when your current job is babysitting, sometimes it feels like you do. Tonight was a first. It was the first time I have ever been thrown up on by a child. And let me tell you, when they say baby shower, they are really talking about the first experience of being showered upon by your child with gifts of that afternoons lunch. So now I can never say that I have not been thrown up on. The End.

It's a Wonderful Life!

I'm having one of those, 'It's a Wonderful Life' moments. You know, the ones where you think, 'Have I really done anything so great that it has changed someones life? I am anything special and are people different because I'm around?' Yeah, one of those. It's such a strange thought, very captivating... Sometimes I wish I could have a moment such as that in said movie. But oh well. :) I shall just try to live as to make such an impact on someone!

Do I know You at all?

'I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared you at all, no
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?'

This is such a powerful song! It really hit me hard this morning when I heard it on the radio. Just something to think about today.

Hello, my name is Gwen and I am addicted to Freecell.

Beauty

Psalms 89:9
"You rule the oceans. You subdue their storm-tossed waves."

Off to the beach I go! :) God's creation is so beautiful and even with all its dangers, He is in total control over it. He controls the winds that create the waves and He could crush them with a single word. Oh how mighty is our faithful and loving Saviour!

Confessions

Confession #1: I want a unicorn pillow pet, a bumblebee transformer, and batman bandaids for christmas this year. Why yes, I am over the age of 12. Got a problem with that? :) I wish I could return to my childhood when it didn't matter if you were cool or not. Everyone played together and had fun. Now it's all about wearing the right clothes, acting the right way, and owning the coolest stuff. I say forget it. I could have it all and be the biggest jerk in the world. I would rather not wear the latest fashions, act like myself, or own the newest, coolest things, and be sincerely nice to people. To love them despite their faults, be their friend whether they have the coolest stuff, and just be there for them. I know so many amazing people who are not defined by their status in life. They simply are themselves and loved for just that. Oh how I wish to be like them. I am always so concerned with if I look okay, if I'm saying the right things... I'm done with trying to fit in to something that changes you. I'm ready to step out and be myself and be okay with it.

Be The Light

I picked up my bible today to read whatever God wanted me to. He lead me straight to Matthew 6:22-24.
"Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is! No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money."
It really hit me. What we see and how we perceive it makes a very big difference in our lives. If we see things with a pure heart and with an optimistic attitude, it can make all the difference. We have to see things through God's eyes and things will look so much brighter! And at the same time, things can look so much dimmer. We could see so much more good in things and we could be so aware to the needs around us... I want to see with God's eyes and be used for His purpose. I want whats inside of me to be pure and full of light. But I can only do so with God's help.

A New Leaf

Today I deleted my facebook. I haven't felt this carefree in a very long time. Today is also the start of a very long blogging process. (Lets hope I can be dedicated and remember to update every day.) Since it is very late and I really should be sleeping, I shall leave you with this. I was talking to God the other day and He reminded me of something. He walks in front of me so that He can guide me, He walks beside me as a companion, and He walks behind me so that He can catch me when I fall. He is omnipresent, always there for us. He feeds and shelters the birds, clothes the flowers, and yet He cares so much more for us. He gives us everything we need. We just need to lean and rely on Him completely.